Recently, someone reblogged a quote of mine and said that she really liked it “even though its a little touchy-feely”. Cool that she liked it and an interesting distinction. It got me thinking about how we put things in categories all the time. We like to set things up as “good or bad”, “mine or yours”. This is an example of “duality”; which means there’s a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, even an up and a down.
“Touch feely” isn’t my way. In fact, I’m extremely clear about things. I don’t see a right or wrong in things I just see that they are. Within the 4 Amazon Principles there is this thing about “total responsibility” and how it makes a woman (really, anyone) powerful.
To me, schmarmy compliments to others are culturally expected and full of bullshit. “Truth” is always best. If your friend’s ass looks big in something, tell her if she asks. It may hurt her feelings, but she won’t go out wearing something that doesn’t look good on her. That is a consideration that is really far kinder than the normal, “Oh, it’s perfect for you, your ass doesn’t look fat at all”, when its a lie.
Touchy feelie is a distinction about ideas that are, can I say, “new agey” which also isn’t my thing. For years I investigated when in history, women were powerful. Based on what I found I started following the systems of the earth, sun and moon. I learned astrology to further my understanding and learned how to conduct “rituals”. Without trying I was then relegated to the “hippy” or New Age culture. To be honest, it doesn’t upset me, its just not true.
People are naturally loving. We are (especially women) hardwired to tend to each other – our species wouldn’t have survived without that instinct. It isn’t weak at all to be kind; quite the contrary. Presently, it seems that many women think that being outwardly tough is cool, especially the twenty-somethings (this is my observation and a generalization – I know many young women who are authentic and powerful… especially my students).
Thing is, being kind also means being truthful. A true warrior doesn’t always take immediate action, she is patient and watches things unfold first. She tells the truth ALL THE TIME and her words mimic her actions – exactly. She’s not “tough” she’s consistent. She doesn’t tease men or seduce them without considering her impact, she doesn’t lie about how she feels, what she does or who she is.
She is loving and fierce, simultaneously… which may not be all that cool… and maybe even a tad touchy feely.