It’s funny what happens when you are faced with an enormous change. It may seem to have been forced on you by someone close to you, or just maybe… it occurred because you weren’t being honest with yourself about what was happening.

We all want to believe that the people in our lives have our best interest at heart, and on some level they do. Yet, you know… sometimes people are just selfish and they aren’t thinking about you at all.

The question then has to be asked, “Are you focused on you?”

I wasn’t. Not enough anyway… and the tumult of my life is forcing me to get real and terribly honest about a number of things. This is a good thing, and as much as I’d like to just blame others, my circumstances or something… anything, outside of me. I can’t.

I am an Amazon.

I’m a modern woman who is battling just like the historic Amazons for a way of life that makes me the center of my own existence.

Here a few things to consider.

  • Are you doing more than is reasonable to make other people happy?
  • Are you letting someone else’s opinion of you color how you feel about yourself?
  • Are you spending a lot of energy wondering what other people are doing, feeling, needing or thinking?
  • Do you spend time every day making you own personal connection to yourself – either through meditation or physical exercise?
  • Are you scared to face a reality that is not really what you want to experience?

These are just a few of the things that I’ve been mulling over these past 6 weeks of my retreat. It’s been grueling, but I have the 4 Amazon Principles to work with and a lot of spiritual muscle that’s making this process pretty fucking amazing. One of those principles being “An Amazon Takes Responsibility for Herself”. What that implies is that EVERYTHING that I experience is a function of my own creation.

So, if a shit storm has arrived… what did I do to bring it to me? What is it’s ultimate purpose?

A few months ago, I remember stating that I wanted to “release all resistance” in my life… whatever was holding me back, well it had to go. That’s certainly what I’m experiencing right now… and it’s hard.  But… and I did want this on some level.  So, how to deal with it requires something emerging that I didn’t know I had available to me… it’s like giving birth to a child, but this time it’s me.

I get to sort out years of beliefs that just aren’t true…. beliefs about my value, worth and desirability.  Do I change my personal perspective, or trust that there is something quite rich here for me to understand about my self.

I choose the later, and it’s making me fierce… in between feelings of tremendous pain, anger and sadness. Forgiveness is not easy, but it’s something that I believe is making me truly into the Amazon I’ll need to be to help others.

Suffice it to say… we are all in charge of our lives in every way and it’s not easy to accept that challenge, but it does offer some amazing power.

I’ve extended my time here… so expect more missives from a land of beauty and peace… for this battle weary Amazon…

The Queen