Most of us care deeply for others. Companionship, care, respect and honesty are the markers of a healthy and good relationship. It’s not like you make friends with someone and then look for things that you don’t like about them. In fact, you are more likely to see the good in them, even when they show you otherwise sometimes.
You know people have bad days, they say mean things, they react without thinking. You do that too… and appreciate a little leeway coming your way, so it’s not a stretch to offer that same consideration to people in your life. Part of being close to someone is remaining present for them even on the days they aren’t being all that kind or wonderful.
But when you find that over and over, someone you are related with treats you in negative or dismissive ways, you may start questioning the value of your choice of friend. That realization can be painful as we do tend to put a lot of stock into our friendships.
This can also happen with people you associate with in business, but it tends to be less personal and can infect your business instead of your heart.
Recently (the past several months) I’ve had some negativity show up (on the back end of my site) in relation to some people I have a business relationship with. The commentary was alarming, inaccurate and quite cruel, but then I am pretty innocent about how unkind people can be. Most of my life I’ve enjoyed really honest and considerate relationships both personally and professionally so to read how vicious people are was just gross.
Even though it’s true that my association with people in business aren’t as rich as my relationships that are more personal, I still take them seriously and do my best to show up 100%.
My problem can often be my ability to see the good in others even when they are inconsistent in their expression of it. In business, it can be somewhat of a slippery slope. You want to associate with people who have some credibility and a track record of integrity, but sometimes you don’t find out until you’ve been in relationship with them for awhile, that they aren’t people you care to be related with. Personally or professionally.
Further, if your association is with people who have a little bit of notoriety it can be really messy. At least for you.
What’s the solution? Hide in a hole and refrain from associations with others? Decide that they suck and talk shit about them? Portray yourself as an innocent victim of someone else’s insecurity or egotism?
Nah…. none of those ideas are worth giving your attention to.
You learn from it, that’s what you do.
Trust that you have some instincts and follow them… after you do a little review of the relationship.
- Think back on your relationship with that company or the people you associated with.
- Consider honestly if you had some thoughts or impressions about them that weren’t positive… but didn’t honor.
Also, think carefully about why you may have entered into the relationship in the first place.
- Were you hungry for some cash and that’s the reason you took them on as a client?
- Did you think the connections they had would be good for you to have too, so you hung out with them hoping they would introduce you to their people?
- Did you begin your exchange because you thought you’d benefit in some way?
- Maybe you thought you’d learn something valuable from them?
If you look closely at your reasoning for relating with others you will find out more about yourself… for SURE… especially if what was once a wonderful exchange starts to go sour.
Another thing is you may be impacted negatively when you are in relationship with someone, especially as their service provider or supporter… when they get some bad press. By association a lot of assumptions start flying around about your work or integrity simply because you have a friendship or business relationship with someone who runs roughshod over others. Someone who appears to be, or is… a “bad” egg.
It’s like my previous post about James Ray. He was “endorsed” by Oprah and his fame grew exponentially… he made tons more money with many more people seeking him out directly because of the exposure he received from being on her show. Now, she’s now taking significant heat for that professional connection with him in the press. She should’ve known he was a charlatan.
Well, I’m psychic and I don’t always know things about some people I have worked for!!! Oprah is all about giving people a leg up and is usually “spot on” with her choices. James Ray was not what he appeared…but Oprah will pay for her association, you can bet on that.
In truth, what other people think about us because we have worked with, slept with, associated with… (make a list) someone who is less then accountable or aware is none of your business. Your business is to start listening to your inner voice and get the hell away from people who aren’t lined up with your way of being in the world… quickly.
Stop sharing yourself with people or companies that base things on the ego. Refrain from spending time with anyone if you have an agenda about being in relationship with them… in other words … stop the “What’s In It For Me” conversation. Just work with and hang out with people whose way of being in the world seems honest and as lined up as yours.
You’ll definitely make a few mistakes. I sure have… but I’m no worse for the wear. I’m still not famous, rich or even considered a leader in my field, but so happy to know where to put my energy and clear that I’m following my truth completely.
Finally, don’t worry about your association with others… If you are in a room of 30 and giving a talk, by the time you’re done with your speech you’ll have 30 reputations. The only concern you really ought to have is when you look in the mirror, do you LOVE what you see? That my friend is the only relationship that truly matters.